Today was one of the worst days. I woke up at 2am and started checking my phone, watching the polls drop minute by minute against Hillary. By 5am I knew that Trump had won. I am profoundly scared for what may happen next. I am scared for the anger and hatred and disdain Americans have for one another. I am scared for people of color, Muslims, immigrants, LGBTQ, women, those with disabilities, those in need, children. And I am terrified for foreign affairs. I am terrified of a global recession. The list of my fears goes on and on.
I have read intelligent insights. I have searched for what my hero's are saying. I am searching for answers and there is no one answer. It is a systemic problem. A long-time coming problem. A severe problem. The internet cannot explain the tragedy this time.
I cried today. Alone and in front of strangers.
I also cared for my children today. They were fed, loved, read to, tickled. I even tried to dance and sing with them. They are ages one and four - too young for political explanations. I tried to keep a loving and happy spirit in our home. Deep down, I feared for the world they are growing up in.
When I was in my early 20s I was not scared. I hitchhiked through Mozambique and Zimbabwe and jumped on moving trains. I lived abroad alone and took risks. Now I want all that courage back. I want to be brave. I want to fight. I keep thinking - I have children to care for. I cannot risk my life. But I can no longer sit back and do nothing - and stand idle as their future, and all of our future, is this uncertain.
